Scar Tissue
by somewhereinthedreams
Summary: Sometimes time doesn't heal all wounds. Set Post-Season 2 in the future.


**A/N: Someone asked if the rest of my fics would be pike and since I can't answer directly, I'll answer here. In terms of the ficathon yes, there is one more fic left after this and it's about Pike. In general? No. I think I've made it clear how much I love writing Paige/Mike, but I do want to explore other character configurations**. **1 day!**

* * *

Paige stood shell-shocked in the doorway, staring at Mike in disbelief. With the way they - _she_ ended things, she was positive she would never see him again.

" _Can we talk?" Mike asked, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. "I hate how we ended things the other day. We both said some things we shouldn't have and now that we've had time to cool down - "_

" _Don't do this," Paige begged. "We can't take back what we said. What - what I did." Feeling guilty, she looked down at her hand and twisted her engagement ring a few times before pulling it off. She stared at it for a few moments before pressing it in his hand. "I don't - I'm sorry. Mike, I love you, but I - I don't deserve you."_

" _Paige, no - don't. What are you doing?" Mike tried giving her ring back to her but she refused to accept it. "I love you."_

" _You deserve so much better than me." Paige sadly smiled at him, hating herself for what she was about to tell him but he deserved the truth. After everything they had been through, she couldn't lie to him, not about this. "You deserve someone faithful."_

" _Faithful? Paige - what - what did you do?" Mike's eyes filled with tears as the realization started to hit him._

" _I was angry and upset, and I was drinking and I know that's not an excuse. I'm sorry, Mike. I'm so sorry. God, Mike, I'm so sorry."_

"Are you going to invite me in?" Mike asked, looking downward briefly, a sad smile filling his face before meeting her gaze.

She rested her hand over her stomach, before self-consciously running her hand through her hair. If she had known Mike was coming by, she would've done something with her hair. Or worn something different. Not that she had a lot of options with her wardrobe right now. Considering that she was thirty-eight weeks pregnant, she was lucky she could find anything that fit. Finding something fashionable was a miracle. Stepping aside, she motioned for him to come inside. "Yeah, come in. Can I get you anything? Water? Juice? Tea?" She would kill for some zombie virus right about now.

"It's fine, I don't need anything. I just..." Mike paused for a few seconds before continuing. "I wanted to talk to you."

"We said - we already said everything we needed to say. Nothing changed."

" _I'm sorry."_

 _Mike hesitantly placed his hand on her stomach, lightly rubbing his thumb in small circles, "Don't apologize. You - you're going to be an amazing mom. I wish - "_

" _Don't make this harder," Paige cried. Why didn't he hate her? How could he forgive her? She didn't deserve his forgiveness. "This is all my fault. If I - "_

 _Mike pressed his lips to her forehead, "I love you, okay? No matter what, I love you. Never forget that."_

 _Paige tightly hugged him, "I love you."_

"You were wrong."

Her eyes filled with tears at Mike's simple statement. What hadn't she been wrong about this past year? Blowing up their life? Making a single mistake that destroyed their future? She was well aware of how wrong she had been. She didn't need Mike flying out here to tell her she was wrong. "You don't think I know that? I'm sorry for everything I did, for everything I put you through. But I'm not apologizing for this baby."

" _Please be negative, please be negative," Paige whispered as she waited for the results of her home pregnancy test. The last thing she needed right now was to be pregnant. Not when there was a chance that the baby wasn't Mike's. If she could take back that night, she would. She wanted to move past it. Put it behind her. But if she was pregnant and the baby wasn't Mike's, she'd lose him forever._

As much as she wanted her daughter to be Mike's, she wasn't. But she loved her.

"I'm not asking you to. Your daughter she - she's a miracle. Whatever's happening with us isn't her fault."

"There isn't an _us_ anymore. _I_ ruined that. You're back in DC and - "

"And I miss you. I miss us. I want to make things work. I can't do that from DC, so I applied for a transfer."

"You shouldn't have done that. Mike, I can't ask you to raise another man's child. It's not fair to you." Mike deserved so much more than she could give him. He deserved a family of his own. Deserved to have his own kids. Not have a constant reminder of the night she betrayed him.

It was bad enough that she cheated on him. It was even worse that the random guy she picked up at the bar that night turned out to be an FBI Agent. Special Agent Ben Daniels had just transferred to the LA Office, which she discovered when she stopped by the Federal Building one day with Charlie to drop off some paperwork. It was impossible for her and Mike to put that night behind them when they were all co-workers and their personal lives were on display, especially once everyone figured out that she cheated on Mike with the new guy.

"We never got a chance to work things out. You pushed me away and I let you. I thought - I never should've left."

Paige closed her eyes for a few moments and shook her head quickly, "Nothing's changed Mike."

" _I - I got the test results," Paige began with a shaky breath. "I - I'm sorry, but the baby - "_

" _Isn't mine," Mike quietly said. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and the look of complete devastation in his eyes broke her heart._

" _I don't expect - "_

" _Don't," Mike tearfully whispered. "Don't push me away. We can do this. I love you."_

" _You shouldn't," Paige cried. "This - this isn't what you signed up for when you proposed. You didn't sign up to raise someone else's kid."_

" _But I signed up to raise yours and this is your kid!"_

" _You should go," Paige said. "What you told me before, I'm not going to hold you to it. I love you too much to let you throw your life away for me."_

"You're due a little over a week," Mike said, his expression softening as he looked at her stomach. "Everything's going okay? She's healthy?"

"Yes." Was she just supposed to sit here and casually chat about her pregnancy with him? Pretend they had an amicable breakup when the truth was that she cheated on him and broke his heart?

"Good, good. That's good."

"Mike..."

"You asked me if it mattered if the baby was mine or not. If I could do this if the baby wasn't mine. My answer hasn't changed. You're the one that pushed me away."

"You know why."

" _Be sure, Mike. This isn't just my heart you're dealing with." As much as she loved and trusted Mike, she couldn't take this risk unless he was sure. If her heart got broken, it was because of her. If her daughter's heart got broken because Mike decided somewhere down the line that he couldn't deal, she'd never forgive herself._

" _I'm sure. No matter what the test results say, I'm committed to you. To this baby."_

" _If you're going to change your mind, do it now. Don't - "_

 _Mike cut her off with a kiss, "We're going to make this work, okay? Trust me."_

" _I do," Paige said. She trusted Mike more than anyone in the world. "But how can you trust me?"_

" _Paige, you made a mistake, but you never lied to me about it. You were honest with me. As much as it hurt, you were honest."_

"That night, it's not just your fault. I said some horrible things," Mike said.

" _I think you're in too deep," Mike said. "You need to pull back."_

" _My case, my decision." Mike got to have an opinion as her co-worker. As her fianc_ _é. But he wasn't her boss. He didn't get to tell her how to run her cases._

" _You're this close to what exactly? Turning over some small time dealer? Cut your losses."_

" _I can't do that. You know I can't do that. You know why."_

" _If you go in there on a guilt trip, you're going to end up with another dead agent on your hands. If you want to keep playing Russian roulette with DEA lives, that's your business but the second you put FBI lives in danger, it's mine."_

Somehow that argument quickly escalated, leaving her feeling like he didn't trust her professionally. It was like her girls all over again and they were quickly reopening old wounds and rehashing old arguments.

" _You burned her body! You lied to me and you burned her body! And the lengths you went to in order to make me think she was alive? I thought I was losing my mind! I wasted so much time looking for someone that was dead. I could've been using that time to get those girls out of there, but I wasn't. That's your fault! It's no wonder I thought Sid - "_

" _You want to bring him up? Your good buddy Sid? I tried to save Lina, that's what got her killed. Your obsession with that girl got her killed because you couldn't deal with the fact that you put her on that bus. But you turned me over to the man that almost killed me. For what? Cause you were too much of a coward to kill me yourself?"_

Things they worked through and agreed were off-limits, suddenly didn't matter as they brought up every hurtful thing they had ever done to each other. It left both of them feeling raw and unsettled and needing space from each other. And alcohol. A lot of alcohol. She wished she had just gone to Charlie's and drank with her instead of going out and losing herself in the nearest warm body,

By some miracle, Mike found a way to forgive her. Just when she was starting to figure out how to forgive herself, she found out she was pregnant and all the guilt she was working her way through came rushing back the moment she realized the baby may not be Mike's. They were both devastated when they learned he wasn't the father, but Mike held true to his promise of it not mattering if he was the biological father.

But she was the one that couldn't get past the fact that he wasn't the father. Every time she communicated with Ben about the baby, she felt like she was betraying Mike. Having to include another person in decisions about their future. Mike didn't say anything, but she could tell how much it bothered him. Because he knew Ben, it just made everything that much worse for Mike. This wasn't some nameless stranger she picked up at the bar. This was someone they both worked with.

"I let you make that decision for the both of us. But I never should've left. I never should've let you push me away. I've been in love with you for so long that I can't remember what it's like to not love you. I fell in love with the baby the moment you told me you were pregnant. It hurts that she's not mine biologically, but she's yours, Paige. She's _your_ daughter. That makes her mine."

"But she's not. Her father - "

"I don't know what your arrangement is with Ben, but we'll make it work. She'll have two fathers. I promise you that I'm never going to walk out on her. My dad was a horrible role model as far as fathers go, but I promise you, I love your daughter. Let me be her father."

"You have to be sure. I'm not being fair because I'm asking for promises that you were willing to make months ago, but I can't have you walking in and out of the baby's life. I can deal with losing you again, but I can't put her through that."

Mike touched her chin so he could meet her gaze, "Tell me you love me," Mike murmured. "Tell me you trust me. That you believe me. Believe in me. Because I love you. I trust you. I believe in you. I believe we can make this work and even if it's hard, it'll be worth it. You're worth it. This baby's worth it. Let me love you. Both of you."

"I love you. I trust you. I believe you. Believe in you," Paige whispered, wrapping her arms around him. She laughed at herself because it was hard to hug him being as pregnant as she was. Maneuvering herself, she turned slightly and rested her head on his chest, relaxing as his arms wrapped around her, feeling for the first time in months that things would actually be okay. She hugged him tighter and pulled back quickly when she felt him tense. "What happened? Are you hurt?"

She started frantically pulling at his shirt, only calming down when he gently placed his hands over hers. "You could at least buy me dinner first," Mike joked. She glared at him and smile fell from his face. "Sorry." Mike unbuttoned his shirt, and pulled up his undershirt so she could see the still pink scars now decorating his chest.

"You were shot. Twice." She lightly traced her fingers near the scars, looking up at him, silently asking for answers as she pulled her hand away.

"It happened almost three weeks ago. It was touch and go those first few days. I got out of the hospital last week. It gave me a lot of time to think about things. I got a second chance and I'm not going to waste it."

Paige smacked his arm, "You should've called me. If you thought I wouldn't care - "

"I'm sorry," Mike said. "I didn't want to worry you. You're already under enough stress and more isn't good for you or the baby."

"Never again, okay? If something's wrong, I want to know." She didn't want to even think about the possibility that she could've lost Mike and she wouldn't have gotten a chance to say goodbye.

"I'll tell you, I promise." He framed her face in his hands, softly kissing her. Pulling back slightly, he rested his hand on her stomach, "I love you. Both of you. Never doubt that."

Paige warmly smiled, placing her hand over his. Normally she hated people touching her stomach. For whatever reason, people felt like it was their right to put their hands all over her just because she was pregnant. It took her months to become comfortable with Ben touching her stomach. But Mike touching her stomach didn't bother her at all. It felt right. "I love you so much."

"I want to make this official." Mike nervously smiled and reached in his pocket before kneeling in front of her.

" _Can I open my eyes?"_

" _Almost," Mike said, tugging on her hand. He placed his hands on her shoulders, then stepped back from her. "Okay, now."_

 _Paige slowly opened her eyes and started tearing up when she saw that she and Mike were surrounded by what must be hundreds of candles on the beach. "Mike..."_

 _Mike tenderly stroked her cheek, softly kissing her before taking her hands and kneeling before her. "Five years ago, I saw this gorgeous woman singing karaoke and had no idea how much she would change my life. Paige, I love you. You challenge me. To be a better agent. A better man. Things aren't always easy between us, but every fight and every disagreement we work through makes us stronger. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Paige, will you marry me?"_

" _Yes," Paige whispered, happily crying as Mike placed the ring on her finger. Pulling Mike to his feet, she kissed him. She laughed as he picked her up to spin her around in his arms. "I love you."_

"We've never done things the easy way," Mike began. "Things with us have been complicated and messy more often than not. But that just means it's real. It's not some fairy tale. We've both made our fair share of mistakes, but if there's one thing I've learned over the years is that anything worth having is worth fighting for. Paige, I promise you that I'll never stop fighting for you. For our family. For our daughter. I had a glimpse of what my life would be like without you and that's not how I want to live. I need you in my life. By my side. Always. Paige, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Paige exclaimed, almost afraid to believe this was really happening. Her mind was spinning. Just an hour ago, her plans for the evening consisted of putting away some baby books that she had picked up earlier that day. Even though she thought of Mike often, she never would've thought he'd show up on her doorstep and propose.

Mike started to slide the ring on her finger and he stopped midway, frowning when it didn't go on easily.

"My fingers are swollen."

Mike kissed her hand before standing, "Hold this for a second."

"You changed my ring," Paige said, examining the ring in her hand.

Taking off his St. Christopher's medal, he undid the clasp and slid her engagement ring on before clasping it. He touched the emeralds now flanking the diamond on either side. "I added these for the baby. It's her birthstone and if she takes after you, she'll probably be late and I'll be making another trip to the jeweler."

Her heart swelled at his gesture. Just when she thought she couldn't love Mike more, he went out and did something like this. "Even if she's late, it'll still be May. It's perfect." Mike slipped the necklace over her head and she immediately clutched her ring, rubbing her thumb over the gold band and the familiar silver of his medal. "All you ever do is forgive me. I don't know how or why I deserve you."

"No more apologies, okay? I'm far from perfect. You've forgiven me so many times. You do so much for me," Mike quietly said, resting his forehead against hers. Smoothing her hair back from her face, he softly kissed her. "We're starting over. All our mistakes and regrets - we're leaving them in the past."

Paige nodded, knowing he was right. It would be so easy to get lost in the past and not live their lives.

"I'll be right back." Mike sprinted out of her house and came back a minute later with a bottle of sparkling cider.

"Were you that confident I'd say yes?"

"Absolutely."

"I forgot how sexy you are when you're confident."

"I have a bottle of tequila in the trunk just in case you said no," Mike confessed. "But you - you're sexy. Always."

Paige laughed, "Maybe in a few months."

Mike set down the sparkling cider on the coffee table, lightly running his hands along her arms. "You're beautiful." He brushed his lips over hers in a chaste kiss, "Sexy," he whispered as he trailed his lips along her throat. "God, I missed you. Missed this."

Paige moaned softly, closing her eyes as Mike kissed her neck. Even though it was just a kiss, it had been forever since he touched her like this. She ran her fingers through his hair, still in disbelief that this was real. "This is really happening?" Paige heard someone knocking on the door and she ignored it, focusing on Mike. The knocking persisted and she reluctantly opened her eyes. Disoriented, she slowly looked around the room. Mike wasn't here. She sank back onto the couch as she realized it had all been a dream.

Of course it was a dream. Mike wasn't going to show up out of the blue after she pushed him away. She was delusional if she thought that was happening.

"P, open the door!" Johnny called.

"Give me a minute," Paige called, resting her hand on her forehead. Easing herself carefully to her feet, she walked over to the door to let Johnny in.

"You should let one of us stay with you," Johnny said, carrying a few bags of groceries. "Especially these last few weeks. You shouldn't be alone."

"I'm fine. I was sleeping. Pregnant women sleep," Paige insisted, peering in the bags.

"If you're hungry, I can fix you something."

Her stomach turned at the thought of Johnny in the kitchen. She hadn't been nauseous for weeks, but unless she gave him specific instructions there was a good chance his concoction would send her to the nearest bathroom. "No, I'm fine. Just curious."

"Are you sure you're doing okay?" Johnny touched her forehead and frowned slightly, "You feel a little warm. Are you drinking enough water?"

"I promise you, I'm fine," Paige insisted, resting her hand over her stomach. "We both are. Is..." her voice trailed off for a few seconds. "Have you talked to Mike recently? Is he okay? Nothing happened to him right?" Asking about Mike would definitely lead to questions she wasn't sure she would want to answer, but she'd rather have an awkward conversation with Johnny about Mike then trying to explain to Mike why she was calling him after weeks of not returning his calls.

"Why wouldn't he be okay? I just talked to him a few days ago, he's fine."

"I had this dream, he wasn't hurt in the dream, but he had been recently. You'd tell me if he got hurt, wouldn't you?" She had read somewhere that pregnant women had crazy dreams, but this was her first time experiencing it. Everything had felt so real. Her skin was still tingling from his touch.

Johnny grabbed her phone from the counter and handed it to her, "If you want him here, all you have to do is ask. Mike will be on the next flight, no questions asked. He loves you. He's _in_ love with you."

"It's not that simple." She was about to give birth to another man's baby. She wanted Mike to step in and fix everything even though he already tried that. She didn't feel like she could ask him to make that sacrifice.

"It can be." Johnny touched her chin and smiled. "I have a feeling you won't eat anything I'll make. I'm going to go pick something up. Any cravings?"

Paige shook her head, "Just grab me something light. A salad or something. Take my keys. I'm still a little tired." She had been exhausted these past few weeks. She could easily sneak in another nap before Johnny got back.

"Call him or I will."

Paige lightly rubbed her stomach, wandering back to the living room as Johnny left. She looked down at her phone for a few moments before pulling up Mike's number. She eased herself down on the couch and hit call. She almost hit cancel but waited too long and it was already ringing. She held her breath as she waited for him to answer.

"What's wrong?" Mike asked, skipping any sort of greeting.

"Nothing, I just..." Paige sighed, her anxiety about his safety disappearing the moment she heard his voice. It had been weeks since they talked. She stopped returning his calls and he finally stopped calling. Her eyes filled with tears, hating how things were between them. How it was so out of the ordinary for them to talk that he his first thought was that something was wrong when she called. But that was her fault. She was the one that couldn't get past things. Mike had been willing to try, she hadn't been. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called."

"Your due date is soon, I thought - I thought something happened. I'm glad you're okay."

"No, I'm fine. I just - I had this dream and you had been shot..."

"You had a dream that I got shot?"

"No, just - this was after. You were fine, but I - are you okay?" It didn't used to be this hard to talk to him. They used to spend all night talking on the beach until the sun came up. Never running out of things to say. Or sitting in a comfortable silence. Their conversations used to flow easily. Full of banter. Teasing. Inside jokes. Real emotions. Now their conversations were awkward. Hesitant. Careful. "If something ever happened to you, would you tell me?"

"Paige..." Mike breathed her name out slowly. "I'm fine."

"But if you're ever not," Paige whispered, on the verge of tears. "Even after everything, I care about what happens to you. Even if it doesn't seem like it."

"I know you do. I promise, I'll call you, okay?"

"Good." Mike didn't ask her to do the same, because both of them knew that if something ever happened to her, someone would call him in a heartbeat, even if she begged them not to.

"Do you need - do you want me to..." Mike's voice trailed off, sighing. "Tell me what you want."

 _Do you need me? Do you want me to come home?_

Mike's unfinished questions hung in the air. He interrupted himself, but she knew what he had almost said. Maybe they weren't together anymore, but she could still read him. She could picture him, his face filled with worry. Frustration. Desperate for her to change her mind and she desperately wanted to change it, but she couldn't. She realized this was all on her. She needed to let go of her guilt otherwise she would lose him for good. Because it wasn't her mistake that was keeping them apart. It wasn't the baby. Or Mike. It was her. She was the one that was too stubborn to let him back into her life. She wasn't sure why she couldn't make peace with his forgiveness when he had forgiven her for worse.

"I want things to back to the way they were, but we can't go back."

"Just say the word and - "

"Don't, Mike." Maybe they hadn't spoken in weeks, but they had been having the same fight for months. She couldn't fight with him right now.

"Fine," Mike said, giving in. "You should be resting."

"I am. I'm on the couch and my feet are up and everything. Johnny went to go get dinner. I don't think my stomach can handle his cooking." Paige grabbed the blanket off the side of the couch and threw it haphazardly over her legs, kicking her feet until they peeked out beneath the edge.

Mike laughed, "Probably not. I should - I should let you go now."

Paige heard the hesitation in his voice and wondered if he was talking about their phone call or _her_. But that was what she wanted. Or at least what she convinced herself she wanted. But either way, it was for the best. They both needed to let go. "Can you stay on the phone with me a little while?" It was really good to hear his voice, she wasn't ready to hang up right this second. Even if hanging on a little longer made things more difficult.

" _Can you stay on the phone with me a little while?"_

" _Miss me?" Mike teased._

" _You've almost been gone three weeks. If I wasn't wrapped up in my own case, I'd be on the next flight." She hated that she turned into that woman. The woman that couldn't stand to be away from her boyfriend for more than a few days._

" _Why are you still up? It's almost four."_

 _Paige nodded, even though Mike couldn't see her. "Late night." Paige crawled into bed and put her phone on speaker phone._

" _When I get back, let's get away for a few days. As soon as you finish your case, let's take off. We can rent a beach house and turn off our phones..."_

"Remember the first time you took me snowboarding?"

Paige laughed, "To this day, I'm not sure how it's possible for someone so athletic to be so uncoordinated. Surfing, snowboarding..."

"I can play sports."

"Sports that don't require balance," she teased.

"But do you remember..."

Mike recounted his disastrous first trip snowboarding and it wasn't long before he noticed that Paige's breathing evened out. "Paige?" he quietly asked and when she didn't respond, he knew she had dozed off. He could picture her stretched out on the couch, her feet propped on top of one of her many throw pillows, her freshly manicured toes peeking out from underneath a blanket. Her hand protectively resting over her stomach and her hair falling onto her face. "I love you." He closed his eyes as he listened to her breathing for a few more minutes, wondering if this was the last time she'd ask him to talk to her until she fell asleep. He ended the call and started going through the photos on his phone. Photos from when they first started dating. From weekend trips they had taken, including the trip he just told her about. They used to be so happy. He was ready to spend the rest of his life with her. Despite everything that happened, he still wanted that.

Mike turned around when he heard a light knock on the patio door.

"Mike, if you're busy - "

Mike closed his eyes for a few seconds, he had completely forgotten he was on a date. The second Paige called, he had forgotten all about his date. He had been worried something happened to her or to the baby. He was well aware of the fact that she was due in 9 days. The baby wasn't his and Paige made it clear she was doing this without him, but he'd never stop loving her or her daughter. "I'm sorry, it was an important call." So important he had been out here for nearly twenty minutes.

"Look, I know you recently got out of a serious relationship. So did I, so if you're having second thoughts about tonight, I won't take it personally."

Second thoughts didn't even begin to describe how he felt about tonight. Stephanie seemed nice enough. They worked together and she asked him out for a drink. He had been hesitant to accept and was honest about just ending things with Paige, but she said she wasn't looking to get engaged. She wasn't even looking for a boyfriend. She just wanted go out and have a few drinks. Unwind after work. Have some fun. Something he could really use. Then Paige called him and was making him second guess every decision they had made over the past year.

Did it hurt that her baby wasn't his?

Yes.

Was he willing to work through their issues and raise this baby with her regardless of paternity?

Yes.

But if Paige couldn't work through her guilt and kept pushing him away, it was time for him to start moving forward with his life.

Not necessarily with Stephanie. But little by little, he needed to start letting Paige go. But if he was being completely honest with himself, if Paige ever needed him, he would be there for her. But he couldn't live his life, waiting on a call that may not come. Maybe that started by having drinks tonight.

Mike shoved his phone in his pocket and flashed her a smile, "I know we were just meeting for drinks tonight, but let me take you to dinner tomorrow to make it up to you."

THE END

* * *

Note: All flashbacks that appeared in Paige's dream were real for this uverse.


End file.
